I was asked today what kind of men there are on Tinder and online dating sites in general. After 2 years on Tinder and OkCupid, and hundreds of Tinder fails and all sort of funny moments, I answered with the following.
The large majority (~80%) of men are online to keep busy while they commute, they wait for their favorite machine at the gym or they relax at the toilet. This makes the exchanges often “blah” (I mean, swiping AND wiping at the same time can quickly becomes complicated).
Then ~10% are really interested in finding somebody.
The remaining ~10% are the most weird people you will ever meet. Websites or apps make people feel anonymous (although they aren’t, really) and therefore they feel everything is allowed. They are like Superheroes with very particular superpowers.
Here My Top Online Dating Superheroes
Making typos at the speed of light, Typoman will use the power of confusion in the hope of making you choose him by making you wonder: he can’t be English, can he? Maybe he is a foreigner… actually, is this maybe a poem?!
How to react: resist the romantic urge to think he is a charming foreigner; he is just an ignorant donkey. No doubt, swipe left!
Partyman has very strong camouflage powers. Surrounded by a group of other party people, you’ll hope he’s the hot one only to realize during your date he is the one with the mullet and the sweaty armpits.
How to react: ask him precisely which one of the group he is. When in doubt, unmatch.
Like his colleague Superman, Sadoman looks totally average during the day. But give him a fast speed internet connection and he will turn into a Master Dominator and unleash the power of the spank, forcing an admiring Christian Grey to take notes.
How to react: if getting your butt spanked into the form of a burned pancake turns you on, just go for it. Otherwise, skip.
You will find him staring at the gym mirror with a 5Kg weight in his hand. His superpower: mega-watt farts induced by the protein shakes he gulps by the liter. Unfortunately his power unleashes when laying down, making him a very dangerous lover.
How to react: let him go before he lets it go.
Looking at him hugging a tiger will trap you into thinking his power is courage. Big mistake! Taking a picture with a tiger is an Asian tourist-trap, those poor animals being often drugged heavily.
How to react: after the 10th Tigerman, the exoticism will wear out and you will do the one and only thing to do: swipe left. You prefer the Lion King anyway.
6. Mystery man
Despite the name you will easily recognize this specimen as he will show no picture and in exceptional cases show the power of transparency. The romantic in you will hope he is a gorgeous guy who has had enough of being liked for his physical appearance. Reality is that he is ugly or married. Often both.
How to react: swipe left, if you want the thrill of a surprise just tell your hairdresser to surprise you.
Selfieman wants to show you the power of his biceps but by taking selfies in the bathroom he’s just proving he has only one mirror in the one room man-cave he’s sharing with his college flat mate.
How to react: do nothing, his power is very limited. Ignoring him will be enough.
Often a 30 year old virgin, blessed by the power of patience, Troutman proudly shows the only thing he has managed to catch lately: a large, stinking fish. This is your once in a life time opportunity to discover how to clean a fish. Don’t worry, after the 50th time it will feel natural.
How to react: buy plastic gloves and get ready – or just swipe left.